I'm pretty nervous about this upcoming Richmond test. I'm doing a little bit of studying which after tonight is going to turn into a lot. I have this horrible habit of fixating on really useless time consuming things to avoid doing work. Right now I'm fixated on bicycles. I really need this to happen for so very many reason. For whatever reason, and I've said this before, this year is the year for fire departments. Everyone is hiring and I've missed out on these opportunities because I have failed tests. I only have a few more months left in this "season". Not a lot of cities are going to be hiring anymore. I know I have to bear down but I'm just so swamped with my own worry its sickening.
I really need this to happen. I don't know how much longer my mental and emotional health can take this current job. I swear I get stupider everyday. See! I basically don't interact with anybody all damn day and when I do it's idle chit chat and not a rel conversation. This is why I need to be home. My brain is turning into jelly and I'm not advancing myself. Sure I read and do my online class but growing involves so much more than that. I just need to put my head down and focus.
Monday, July 7, 2008
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